Oh delicious Sparks! You are singlehandedly powering the youth of today. God bless you (Miller Brewing Company) for listening to the guy that said, “Hey, you know all that fucking malt liquor that we can’t figure out how to sell to kids anymore since it’s not 1994 and gangsta rap is all but dead? Yeah man, let’s fucking dump it full of sugar, caffeine and taurine and make a bazillion dollars!” It sounds like I’m mocking Sparks, but seriously, what’s that man’s name? Give him a fucking medal. The only thing better than the invention of Sparks orange label (6.0%) is the tastier and more addictive Sparks black label (7.0%). Yummy yum yum! I want two now!

So if you’re going to be a corporate shill, it might as well be for something that is both delicious and coursing through the veins of all of your fans, right? That’s why I have lost no respect for Kid606 for producing these two commercials for Sparks. It sounds like he just took some leftover beats and threw in whatever terrible vocal samples they gave him, which makes for a fantastic combo.

I found these on the official Sparks website a few years ago and practically pissed myself. I’m fairly certain that I’m the only person in the world that downloaded these, so please jesus spread them around.

Caffeine, Taurine…AND ALCOHOL!