I post this not because of it’s musical merit, but so I can tell this story. First some background on this record…

1990. Ruthless Records. White girl. Eazy-E produced, sort of. Almost every song is about being a tough white bitch. As simple as NWA’s rhymes were, she dumbs it down even more and then jacks their rhymes. Eazy guests on a track or two. Really simple and weak stuff. Funny as shit.

I’ve been told the story about her and Eazy before, but shit if I can remember it now. All I can remember is someone punching someone else and me laughing really hard when I heard that.

Where this becomes remotely interesting is that years ago I worked for a certain metal record label that was putting out her nu-metal band’s record. Oh yeah, she looks like this, only really haggard with tons of caked on makeup.

So her album is about to come out and they need a cover for it still. The inhouse artist at the label had spent days slaving over this cover art, and this guy is a genius. I know I throw that word around a lot, but the guy is seriously talented. He’s a Photoshop wizard and made this insanely delicate and gorgeous cover, something like 1000 layers, totally amazing. The woman on the cover was constructed from about 25 pieces of different faces and it all blended perfectly to create a realistic looking woman. It was obviously the cover.

So Tairrie comes into the office and takes one look at it and is like…”Um, no. Let’s use my art.” And her art is horrid. Like really really bad. So they pressed 100,000 copies of really bad art. This isn’t the funny part.

This is.

Tairrie B. FUCKING SMELLS SO BAD! When she walks into the office, every single time, you can tell she’s there because she doesn’t shower. Probably not ever. Instead she uses the grossest smelling, cheap skanky perfume to mask her terribly offensive odor. It’s the kind of perfume that twelve year old whores would wear. Young whores that just walked through a desert and then jumped into a rotting tank of shit.

Holy Lord, I don’t think you could understand this smell. It wasn’t like she shat her pants kind of smell. It was like armpit times a million being masked by shitty perfume samples from magazines. Her smell was LOUD. It was everywhere.

So everyone knows she smells. Everyone. Because it’s fucking obvious and scary. The president of the company makes jokes. Everyone snickers. And then on top of that, she’s a cunt to everyone because she thinks she’s a rock star.

Sigh. I wish I could remember who punched who. I feel like maybe Dr. Dre punched her. He probably just wanted her to stop stinking up the place. Right?

Tairrie, I know you Googled yourself and are reading these words right now. You know who thinks you’re a rock star? The twelve year old whores on myspace that think your nu-metal is original and innovative. Please shower.

Oh, I actually do like this album though. It’s fucking hilarious. I can smell you when I listen to it.

PS - She spent several thousand dollars at Hot Topic getting a “tough bitch” wardrobe for tour. And yes, I’m still a little pissed that my red wasn’t “blood red” enough for her shitty flash animation pop up.